Separated and Confused

Marriage & Communication
1

This is the third time my wife has left me, and for this term it’s been about 2 years, so far. I’ve done the no contact(which I think she does better than me, or appears), I’ve offered therapy, etc. The first time she left me she insisted that I seek therapy, so I did but that therapist said that my wife was manipulating me, so I told my wife this and my wife called her and told her she was, “stupid.” lol. That therapist called me and told me my wife called her and dropped me. My wife called me controlling and a narcissist, but the second therapist says it sounded like she was the narcissist and he cleared me of that diagnosis. But I love her. We’ve been married for 32 years.

I told my wife either we talk reconciliation or we should properly end this with divorce asap. She saying currently she doesn’t want to work on this marriage but “can’t say never.” So, I feel stuck in limbo right now, not sure what to do. She just says, “Do what you have to do” or “File if you want to.” I told her we should do a peaceful divorce so she can be free and happy, and I assured her that it doesn’t mean we couldn’t remarry or come back together if we still love each other, etc. But she made it clear that if we divorce, she’d never remarry. It’s almost like a threat, not sure. But I want to divorce rather than to sit in her chamber of hell cell.

There’s a chance she could have cheated prior to all of this.

2

Welcome to the community @cutman2000, and thank you for sharing something so personal.

It sounds like you have been stuck in a very difficult place for a long time, especially with the uncertainty around whether your wife wants to work on the marriage or not. That kind of limbo can feel exhausting and emotionally draining.

When one partner is not willing to engage, it can help to shift focus toward what you can control, such as setting clear boundaries and deciding what you need moving forward rather than waiting indefinitely.

If it helps, you might find this article useful as it talks about how to navigate situations where one partner is not willing to work on the relationship: https://www.marriage.com/advice/save-your-marriage/how-to-make-your-marriage-work/

You are not alone in facing this, and others here may be able to share their experiences as well.

3

Thank you, I really appreciate the reply and the suggested article link.