Hi. I’m new here and came with a problem. I need some perspective.
We are married for 11 years, we have 2 children age 5 and 10, both go to school. We have great relationship, our daily communication is great, we function incredibly well and have a very stable harmonic home.
Sek life is not what I would expect it to be. It’s usually 3-4 times a month which is not as frequent as I want it to be. But my husband masturbates every day, he doesn’t tell me but I can see cause he forgets things after he is finished. He also uses porn while doing it. I work in the mornings so he has the house to himself. When I come home after work I’m free and he rarely have sex with me. Usually it’s on the weekends when he isn’t able to be alone.
Yesterday I confronted him and he didn’t really say much, he just said “it’s ok, it won’t happen again”, of course I know that’s not true and it will continue happening, but like I told him- my problem is that it affects our sex life, if it didn’t, I wouldn’t mind at all.
I need some guidance in this, is someone having the same issues and how to resolve it?
First off, you’re not the only one dealing with this. We see posts like yours pretty often here, so please don’t feel weird about asking.
From what you wrote, it doesn’t sound like you’re upset that he masturbates. You just want that energy with you. Totally fair.
I wouldn’t read too much into the “it won’t happen again” thing either. Most people say something like that when they’re embarrassed and want the conversation over with.
Maybe try bringing it up again, but from a different angle? Less “I saw what you’re doing” and more “hey, I miss us, I want more of this with you.” People tend to get defensive when they feel caught, but it’s hard to be defensive when your partner is basically saying they want you more.
Also, kids plus work schedules are a real intimacy killer. Some couples here have had luck just planning time together, even if it feels a bit unsexy at first.
If talking about it keeps going nowhere, a counselor who works with couples on this stuff can really help. There’s a therapist directory here if you want to check it out.
Anyone else been through this? Would love to hear what worked for you