What do you wish you had talked about before getting married but didn’t think to?
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Money and how we fight. I really thought love would carry us through disagreements, but we ended up fighting exactly like our parents.
Expectations around roles. We never said them out loud, but it turns out we were both assuming very different things.
This is a amazing post i love this
honestly for us it was how we each handle stress, not the big stuff like money or kids, just like… do you go quiet or do you want to talk it through right away. found out the hard way we’re opposite and it caused so many unnecessary fights early on that had nothing to do with what we were actually fighting about. what’s one thing that seemed too small to bring up before marriage but turned out to matter way more than expected?
One thing I wish we’d talked about more was what “support” actually looks like to each of us. I assumed that when someone was stressed, the other person should immediately try to help or solve the problem. But sometimes the other person just wants space or someone to listen.
The same goes for money, household responsibilities, family boundaries, and how you handle disagreements. A lot of conflict can come from expectations you never realized needed to be said out loud. That theme also comes up in the discussion you linked—especially unspoken roles and different ways of handling stress.
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@gahasih yeah, this is a good one. The “support” thing especially, that’s such a quiet source of resentment because neither person’s doing anything wrong, you’re just speaking different languages.
Kind of makes you wonder how many divorces actually trace back to something this small never getting said out loud, not some big betrayal, just years of “why didn’t you just help me” vs “why didn’t you just ask for space.”
What did you two end up doing about it once you figured out the mismatch? Curious if you found an actual fix or just started naming it in the moment.
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