I have borderline intellectual functioning and people and my therapists are using my disability to think I have poor judgment just because I am having casual sex and doing the same action as a typical person. I know the consequences of having casual sex then it would be away and caught up in the heat of the moment and attraction when I am having sex with someone and that goes with anyone else that is typical who’s having casual sex and they don’t get called out for having poor judgment for the same thing I’m doing just because I have a disability. Just because someone has causal sex doesn’t mean they have poor judgment. That doesn’t mean that I’m incapable of making decisions and no one should assume that they are irresponsible and have poor judgment so why am I so different in a lot of people and therapist saying I have poor judgment for having casual sex while someone typical could do the exact same thing like know the consequences and get caught up in the attraction of the moment?
Hi @Christina_marie,
Thank you for opening up and sharing your perspective with our community.
First and foremost, your feelings are completely valid, and you have every right to expect your autonomy and personal choices to be respected. Making consensual adult decisions is a fundamental part of independence, and it can feel deeply frustrating and invalidating when others treat your choices differently simply because of a diagnosis or label like borderline intellectual functioning. Double standards where neurotypical individuals are allowed to make the same personal or spontaneous choices without having their overall competence questioned are unfair and painful to navigate.
While we cannot speak directly for the specific people or professionals in your life, here is some insight into why this double standard often happens and how you might approach it:
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Overprotection and Ableism: Often, when society or support networks hear that someone has an intellectual or learning disability, they wrongfully default to an overprotective mindset. People may incorrectly conflate a disability with an inability to make adult decisions, assuming you need to be shielded from standard life risks.
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Clinical Risk Evaluation vs Personal Choice: Therapists and healthcare providers are trained to focus heavily on risk management and safety such as physical safety, emotional safety, STIs, and consent. While a therapist’s job is to ensure you are safe and fully aware of potential risks, framing standard adult behavior as poor judgment rather than exploring it neutrally can feel judgmental rather than supportive.
How you might address this moving forward:
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Set Clear Boundaries with Your Therapist: You are in control of your therapeutic journey. It is completely appropriate to say to your therapist: “I feel like my choices are being judged through the lens of my disability rather than as standard adult decisions. I want us to focus on how I can navigate my relationships safely on my own terms, without my judgment being dismissed.”
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Advocate for Your Autonomy: Remind the people in your support circle that you understand the risks and consequences of casual sex just like anyone else, and that having a disability does not take away your capacity for agency and personal choice.
Our community is a safe space for respectful discussion, and we appreciate you bringing this important conversation about autonomy and disability rights to the forum.